And I don’t mean Santa Claus. Shiny noses. And I don’t mean Rudolph!
Calling all FOMO private investigators. Report to your stations! Report to your stations! Hurry, stuff is going down at the Parker house.
Just as one of your known clients showed up in front of my house to photograph the stuff put out for bulky items pickup back in October, you’ve been out here again on trash day several times, perhaps every week, since then. I know because I’ve seen you and as soon as you realize I’ve seen you, you take off fast. Heaven forbid I might see your faces or capture a license plate (though it’s probably fake).
Sometimes I wonder how much you’re being paid for such behavior and which neighbors’ palms you’ve been greasing for the past 9 months or more as you try to collect information on me and my lifestyle as you perceive it to be. You’ve been out there at all hours multiple times a week.
This time, other snoops have beaten you to the punch. My gardener planted 16 one-to-five gallon plants on Saturday. Most were succulents but that won’t prevent my multiple vigilante neighbors from continuing to make their false and uninformed claims of “water waste” on my mostly long-dead property.
Every neighborhood has its own interfering old biddy but these around here are imported by the dozen. Many don’t seem to live in the neighborhood, and certainly not on our street, as they drive or power-walk down the middle of the asphalt or saunter along the sidewalks, arms akimbo and phones appearing like magic as they reach my house. This is especially true if I happen to be watering with a hose to minimize transplant shock for plants. Thank you, God above, for the rain!
The gardener’s hard work of planting in baked clay almost immediately triggered another flood of 14+ phone calls (just so far) from house flippers. They’re so desperate, many even left voice mails! First name only, no legitimate company name.
A couple with a young baby also did another of their many neighborhood “walk-by’s” on Sunday, walking backwards for almost half a block while the husband studied the roof. No harm in looking.
Various aggressive real estate brokers have had my house “listed” online with a tiny label that it’s Off Market for at least a couple of years, if not much longer.
Spoiler Alert: The house was never ON the market and no one asked me for permission to list it. This predatory behavior by real estate agents has literally caused me years of aggravation and almost endless harassment from telephone and door-to-door solicitations.
Regardless, FOMO private investigators, be sure to tell your client “she’s making improvements to the property, and the only reason she would be doing that would be to sell it, right? And that means she’ll have money soon.” Don’t be so cocksure of yourselves.
If and when I decide to move, it will likely be without warning to anyone, and none of your clients will have any say in the matter.
It is difficult to bring Light to a neighborhood steeped in spite, judgmentalism, and self-centeredness. Christmas decorations do not a Christian make! A charitable attitude is a gift from Heavenly Father that is not always accepted by those who could be supportive of others instead of kicking the widow of a veteran.
However, I’m grateful some of the neighbors are pleasant because my Christian charity is running on fumes. In fact, for the record, I would offer that my neighbors of other religions, or no religion, have been kinder and more courteous for years.
Much more of my writing on a wide variety of topics appears at